One understanding of Italian traffic law

By: Courtney Sparks, Staff Columnist

Posted: 9/30/05

The more I study Italian traffic laws, the more I believe that there are none. Just because there is a line dividing a two-way street does not mean that you cannot drive on the other side. It just means that someone might be driving in the opposite direction at some point in time. When determining the right of way it is only important that you make it into the middle of the road first; whoever blocks traffic the most has the right of way.

Driving is not confined to the road. Parking, driving and wrecking may also be done on the sidewalk. The sidewalk will often double as parking for vespas and large vans. Do not expect to be able to walk on the sidewalk. Police cars parked on the sidewalk will hit you with their car doors if a pretty woman walks by in front of you. I'm not kidding, it's happened.

If you are standing on a corner and the light has turned red, get off the corner immediately. A red light does not mean that traffic must stop. Instead, it means that all vespas and scooters turning right must now use the sidewalk.

Never, I repeat, never drive a car, scooter or any other motorized vehicle while in Italy. You will wreck. If you are fortunate enough to live through your accident, you will be forced to return to the place where you rented your motorized vehicle, and they will assess the damage and present you with a bill that will make you wish you hadn't.

Do not be fooled by the fact that you know how to drive. You may know how to drive, but the Italians don't. Obeying traffic laws will most certainly get you into a wreck. If you do not believe me, please send me a line, because I know some people who can change your mind.

Do not think that because you are not driving you are safe. This is far from the truth. If you are a pedestrian, vespas are your sworn enemy. Avoid them like the plague. Crosswalks are not safe places to cross; they are simply places where other pedestrians gather to play a friendly game of Frogger.

Do not think that because you see a crosswalk you will be able to get to it. Italians like to play games with pedestrians by parking their cars as close together as possible near crosswalks, and then they wait to see if pedestrians can free themselves from the motorized maze. If you are able to free yourself, you will be in the middle of the road and a vespa will inevitably run you over.

Just because there is no place to park, does not mean that an Italian will not find a place to park. They will park in, on, around, under and on top of anything that is near or on the road, including but not limited to cars, trees, buildings and small animals. Smart cars and any other miniature car will always take up at least two spots.

So, in conclusion, in order to survive Italian traffic, simply put on a pair of dark sunglasses, and pay no attention to it. Never look both ways when you cross the street. Simply walk into the road, and let the cars and scooters swerve around you. If you hesitate, they will know you are American, and everyone knows that Americans are worth more points.

Courtney Sparks is studying abroad in Italy.