What happened to the teen dream?

Tales from a pseudo hipster

By: Hamilton Hedrick

Posted: 9/17/07

Three words…Who approved this?

What am I talking about? Britney Spears. I agree, I am as so sick of her as well, but a few things need to be discussed regarding her comeback… and I promise after this, never again will I mutter the name Britney Spears.

As a recap, the past year has been somewhat of crisis situation for Spears, including a lapse in her judgment when she decided to shave her head, rehab stays, a custody battle, numerous flashings of her female parts and to top it off just all around debauchery regarding her life.

As many already know, two Sundays ago the VMA's aired, raking in more viewers than last year all anxiously awaiting to see the comeback performance of none other than Britney Spears.

I however, missed the live comeback performance and after watching numerous recaps, I'm glad I did.

The once teen queen emerged center-stage a little heavier than normal and far from the top-of-the-charts pop star she's known for being. Spears staggered on stage looking disheveled and confused with not a glimpse of even the slightest spark in her eye.

Spears attempted to stay on cue with what was clearly a full on backing track, which didn't just include a soft version of her voice singing her new single "Gimme More" but an actual full on version of the song. Making it very apparent that Spears was in fact not singing at all, but simply going through the motions…

Lip-syncing, however, should have been the least of Spears worries, considering she has already been caught lip-syncing her concerts. Clearly, not worried about staying with the words of the music, Spears should have been more concerned with her "toxic" dance moves that made her famous.

I honestly figured she might not have the words on lock down, the music might not be great, but I was sure she would have those dance moves down perfectly.

Spears moves instead, were just that…toxic.

Even her dancers couldn't make up for what looked like a 5-year-old's dance recital, moments before they run off stage crying. Spears, unfortunately for us, didn't run off stage but instead staggered through the performance until the bitter end.

Like any true award show, disaster or no disaster the show remained right on schedule, skipping right past the Spears disaster area. Like any true failed comeback the next day the excuses started spreading like wildfire.

In attempt not to bore everyone with the gruesome details, I wont go over the excuses, just know they were bad…really bad.

Now remember, I am not judging those still on the Spears train, but I do have to ask, at what point are her fans planning on abandoning ship, because if I had to guess this isn't going to be a Mariah Carey comeback, but more of a drug induced Whitney Houston train wreck kind of comeback.

Rest assured though, there are still those Spears' super fans out there and if there ever was a time I would imagine they would choose to hide all their Spears CD's it would have been post her VMA performance…however, as usual, there was an exception.

Meet 19-year-old Chris Crocker, Britney Spears' super fan extraordinaire.

A nobody for the most part, but known to the internet as a video blogger, posting on a variety of meaningless topics from his own personal life. Yet, soon after the Spears escapade on the VMA's Crocker released a video blog titled "Leave Britney Alone."

Wow, this video wreck makes Spears antics look halfway normal.

With heavy eye makeup, a sheet draped behind him and clearly precision highlights, Crocker rants for two-plus minutes on why people need to leave Britney alone- emphasized with what seemed to be legitimate tears of sorrow for Spears. Then he wrapped the video blog up by calling out celebrity media and bloggers like Perez Hilton to take their problems with Spears up with him.

The greatest part about the entire blog is that he was serious.

I just really wished Crocker would have been wearing his vintage "Hit Me Baby One More Time" tee- that my friends would have solidified his spot in history as Britney Spears' biggest fan.

It's clear after over a year of ridiculous behavior from Spears, there doesn't seem to be a break coming. I would like to believe that just maybe she'll get her act together and turn her life around…but to our benefit, it looks as though she is just going to continue down this path of destruction.

The next in the Britney Spears saga…Spears herself getting removed from Mr. Chow's in a straight jacket and being hauled off to the crazy house for good. Leaving father-of-the-year, Kevin Federline, to raise their two sons. Good luck Britney.